so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
