why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
