I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
dude. I can hear the air.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
