Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
