Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Pants are for mortals
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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