my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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