haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
