I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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