Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
if only i could text you this smell
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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