Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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