Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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