well you can't waste a boner
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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