I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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