He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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