dude i'm inner monologue high
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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