She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
