So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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