Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
last night I used snow as a chaser
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