I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
