can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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