Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
