i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
