i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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