he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
