So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
