I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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