I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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