The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
