Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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