Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
