Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
