Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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