Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
