He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
