Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
