just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
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You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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