You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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