GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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