Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
its not stalking. its research.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Even my vagina gasped.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
