On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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