And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
