How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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