You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
being pregnant is like rehab
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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