no you cant smoke seaweed
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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