you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
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The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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