Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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