I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
