Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
