remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize