My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
