It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
