ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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