Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
