I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
