I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
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I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
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I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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