i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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