Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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