Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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